This will be the first of many...

...BBQ follies.

Scroll to the bottom for the following recipes:
Carne Asada Steak
BBQ Pork Chops
Bastard Bitch Bacon Wrapped Jalapenos


 I understand that through this process I am going to screw up a lot. I know that to become an expert on anything you can't be scared of failure. Its going to happen. I just hope it happens to $5.00/LB ground beef and not a $100.00 Wangus brisket. Well it just so happens that on night one I had my first major screw up... and my face was on fire... well at least it felt that way...

I was so excited to start grilling. I decided to make:

Carne Asada Skirt Steak

BBQ Pork Chops

and Bacon Wrapped Jalapenos

I decided I would develop my own recipe for the jalapenos and stick to chicken sausage and turkey bacon instead of the traditional cheese and bacon ones you normally see people make. Naturally I wouldn't need a cookbook or a recipe for this since I was developing it myself. Which is where the trouble started. 

I pulled the jalapenos out of the little bag and started slicing them in half and removing the seeds by hand... bare hand... bare hand with cuts on them from my puppy chewing on them. Well anyone who has ever worked with jalapenos knows that I in a few minutes I am going to be in serious agony. 

To make matters worse I also itch my chin, nose, and ear. Then the inevitable happened... my hands and face are on fire.

I dipped my entire face in milk thinking that it might snuff out the heat. NOPE, and I feel like a complete tool for thinking that will work... and now I am out of milk for the morning.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

I take to the internet and all of the ingredients suggested I don't have!!! Finally I notice that someone suggests ketchup. I applied it liberally to everywhere it burns...

INSTANT RELIEF. For the next two hours and while bbqing I was wearing what can only be described as a ketchup mask. I also don't have a back yard patio... I have a front yard patio and am 99% sure my neighbors think I am insane or at least had some creepy chemical peel or other type of radical topical treatment. Which wouldn't be speculated as a huge surprise to them since they all know I am turning 30 this year. Sheesh... and also NEVER! 

Anyway, the moral of the story is...

When you cut jalapenos... WEAR GLOVES!!!

Anyway, For those of you who have pulled this same dumb move... or happen to read this and then forget...

Here are the common household remedies for snuffing out jalapeno juice and oil from your hands, face, or anywhere else that happens to come in contact with jalapeno:

Lemons and baking soda (make a paste)
sour cream
ketchup
lime juice
milk and aloe vera (mixed to form a lotion)
washing hands with citrus based soap at a high temperature
Butter
for temporarily relief... rubbing alcohol. 

Now for the rest of what I prepared my first night of BBQing...

BBQ Pork Chops:

5- thin pork chops (about 3-4oz each)

1/2 Cup sweet baby rays bbq sauce

Traeger Level : High

Wood Chips: Maple

Heat up the bbq as I described in the burning process (start on smoke and then when a fire catches crank it to high). Make sure there are plenty of pellets in the hopper. Once the temp heats up to around 350...Spray the grill with oil and  put on the pork shops. I didnt marinate these over night. I simply brished them with bbq sauce heavily before putting them on the Q. It would have been MUCH better if I had marinated it the night before. So I recommend doing that instead of what I did.

Cook them for 3 minutes on each side and you are set! Since they are thin they cook very quick.

Left over suggestion: Grilled Cuban Sandwiches. Sub the ham in a traditional cuban for a chop. Since they are thin they are ideal for sandwiches.

"The Cheater" Carne Asada Skirt Steak:

1- 1-2lb skirt steak (in this case pre-marinated in carne asada seasoning)

You can look up any fabulous marinade on pinterest or a shelf marinade from your local grocery store

Traeger Level: High

Wood Chips: Maple

Heat up the Q, and make sure you have plenty of wood pellets in the hopper. Spray the grill with oil. Once the temp gets to around 350-400 put on the steak and cook for 3-4 minutes on each side. 

Leftover suggestion: Steak tacos

Bastard Bitch Bacon Wrapped Jalapeno Poppers 

(which is its official name now!) 

12 Jalapenos

Ground Chicken Sausage (uncooked)

24 strips of Bacon (turkey or regular)

LATEX GLOVES

Traeger Level: High

Wood Chips: maple

Step 1: PUT ON THOSE DAMN GLOVES. 

Then take each jalapeno and cut off the tops and slice down the middle. Then remove the seeds and center part of the pepper (the bit that is lighter in color). Stuff each pepper with chicken sausage. Place the pepper in the center of a slice of bacon. You should have enough of the bacon left on either side to wrap it around once on each side and tuck the ends in. If not, wrap it as best you can and use tooth picks to hold the bacon in place. 

Crank up the traeger. Set it to hight heat. Wait for the temperature to reach around 400 and spray the grate with oil. Place the jalapenos on the grill and cook on each side for 5-6 minutes or until the bacon is fully cooked and the jalapeno under is charred, by this time the sausage in the popper should also be cooked. However, cut one open before removing the rest to make sure they are completely cooked. 

Alright... off to pick ketchup out of my hairline. 

xoxo, 

The Pit Mistress